Throughout my dating existence I have been in many different types of relationships and each one has its own quirks and eccentricities.  Everyone is different and when those people pair up it creates unique circumstances and scenarios for the people involved making every relationship its own special entity.  Amongst these differences though there are similarities that an outsider can see working in all of these different pairings.  I have observed these similarities in my own and my friend’s relationships and most of the time I see someone’s actions and a song starts playing in my head – these are the relationships and their appropriate lyrics.  So here we go…

Top Nine “Musical” Relationships

The INXS (AKA – The “Never Tear Us Apart” Relationship)

These are the people who start dating and NEVER leave each other’s side.  If you are friends with one of the people and not the other it can cause MAJOR problems.  You basically need to accept them as a tandem and if you invite the one person somewhere you are inviting the other by proxy.  It is like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich except the peanut butter (your friend) can be paired up with some kind of fucked up organic marmalade jelly that sucks.  If you want the peanut butter though you need to swallow it.

The U2 (AKA – The “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”Relationship)

These types of pairing usually happen in a relatively quick succession and is usually because your friend tries to insert their new love interest into their friend scene a bit too soon.  If you are not going to date this person for more than 2 months then its not even worth the hassle of introducing them to everyone you know.  It always leads to confusion and maybe even calling the new hook-up by a different name.  Its not my fault if you are dating a new dude every few weeks… don’t bring him around or have him wear a name tag!

The War (AKA  – The “Why Can’t We Be Friends” Relationship)

It is never clear if there is any sex going on with this set up.  Usually they have been in dating for a long time and it seems that they can comfortably date/live/hang out together and not have too many problems except that they have become almost like siblings.  I always feel bad for these people even though most of the time they look pretty happy!

The Journey (AKA – The “Don’t Stop Believin’” Relationship)

This is a cousin of “The U2″ except it is different because of its extended shelf life.  When you ask your friend “So… whats the story with Sally?” and he tells you that he hates her and she is a total bitch then a week later they are cuddling up with each other out at the bar then your friend is in this type of relationship.  The biggest thing with this is to reserve your shit talking about the other party until you are SURE that it is over.  Any premature trash talking can get you alienated from your friend when they get back together until they dump their significant other for good.

The Cake (AKA – The “Never There” Relationship)

You know your friend is dating someone but you never actually see them.  Usually the only time that you hear about them is when your friend is complaining about something otherwise they are a non-factor.  Their boyfriend/girlfriend either works a lot, doesn’t like going out or they are embarrassed about dating them… or maybe all of the above.

The Carpenter’s (AKA – The “Why Do Birds Suddenly Appear Every Time You Are Near” Relationship)

Everything seems to be going well and they are in a committed healthy relationship.  How inconsiderate of them!

The Nine Inch Nails (AKA – the “I Want To Fuck You Like An Animal” Relationship)

This couple is way too fucking lovey-dovey.  They are constantly holding hands and making out in public to the point where everyone is a bit uncomfortable.  Take it easy on the PDA Casanova, you don’t need to dry hump your chick when you are in line at the movies!

The Rolling Stones ( AKA – The “You Can’t Always Get What You Want…” Relationship)

This is where one party is way more powerful in the relationship than the other person and it leads to cringe inducing situations where one person completely dominates the other.  With these kind of couples the person decided long ago that the abuser had something that they could not do without and, to them, it is worth putting up with that kind of abuse.  It makes no sense to outsiders but when in this type of relationship you think any outsider’s opinions are worthless.  Save your breath on convincing your friend to break up with their lover – you are wasting your time.

The ELO (The “It’s Gonna Be A Showdown” Relationship)

These 2 secretly hate each other and should have broken things off long ago.  There is no known reason why they are still together.  Maybe it is too much of a pain in the ass to break up?  Maybe they don’t want to be alone? Whatever it is, they are passive aggressively hateful and even the smallest annoyances can set them off into thinly veiled insults.  If you go out to dinner with this couple get ready for some awkward silences and be ready to get the check and go home.

Did I miss any?  Which “musical” relationships have you been in?