Ultraparadoxical

Even though I am a self proclaimed sloth I have had at least a part time job since I was 15.  Anything that I am doing for money will eventually become (at least sometimes) something that I inherently dislike.  Even if I was the oil-boy for the Tropicana Girls Bikini Team the alarm would go off some mornings and I would dread even having to rub down some scantily clad honeys.  Jobs to me are just that – JOBS – they are a means to an end.  Whatever I can do to make the most amount of money and suffer the least aggravation then that is what I want to do.  It opens up more freedom in my personal time where I can enjoy life.  In this 2 part series I am going to dig into the past and relive my career job by job and try to pull out some lessons that I still hold on to today.  Part one covers everything up until my college graduation… read more »

My laziness is infinite.  It is like the universe or a fat chick’s FUPA… always expanding and threatening to envelop everything.  Some people manipulate situations so they get their way or gain power in a  relationship… not me.  I manipulate things so I can sit on the couch longer, avoid work or get someone else to do something for me.  Is it pathetic?  Probably.  Is it childish?  Definitely.  Do I hate when people ask themselves rhetorical questions and immediately retort with one word answers?  Abso-fucking-lutely.  The problem is though that I have been this way for so long that I am most likely never going to change and I just need to live with it.

To give you an idea of my laziness here are a few examples: read more »

As a person gets older a perception that has been generating over the course of a lifetime takes hold and things become far less dynamic over time.  As a child a person is constantly in flux and their perception changes at a rapid pace.  Events and experiences major and minor can completely change someone’s view on existence and the things going on around them.  As someone ages the way that they perceive the events going on around them solidifies and their focus increases but their ability to take in their surroundings from different viewpoints decreases.  This is positive for a deeper understanding of the “chosen” perspective but it is detrimental to one’s ability to broaden one’s perception on a person’s environment.

Everyone can remember seminal events from their childhood that changed how they take in the world around them.  These events are numerous and many of then caused radical shifts in how we live our lives today.  Every single event changes us as we proceed through life but there are only certain things that can really impact the way that we process the information that is constantly flowing into our sensory mechanisms.  As we age fewer of these perception changing events occur and we become more set in our ways.  Events happen and we use our existing perception mechanisms to process the events.  Rather than changing the way external events are processed a person uses the mechanisms already entrenched to perceive the events happening in a familiar way. read more »

For this edition of Top Nine Friday I wanted to examine a television show that has been close to my heart ever since I was just a youngster playing with GI Joes and avoiding getting my ass beat by my older brothers.   That show is MASH… just kidding, I hate that fucking show.  Just hearing the first few notes of the opening song of MASH makes me wish the Korean War never happened, just so that show was never made.  Anyways, the show I am really referring to is The Simpsons.

I watched that it religiously all through grade school and into high school.  Then it became syndicated and I was able to watch it every day.  This continued through high school and even into college where the 2 hours that the reruns played were dedicated solely to Simpsons viewing.  In college my house would literally shut down during this time of the day.  To be honest though I have not watched a new Simpson’s episode in a few years and disavow all knowledge of any new episodes being created after 2002.    My hours of couch time spent watching this show has given me an encyclopedic knowledge of any Simpsons episode from seasons 3-13 (the early episodes have not aged well).  So in honor of Marge Simpson appearing on the cover of Playboy I will examine the best of the best Simpsons episodes from those years: read more »