I went back home to Chicago this weekend to hang out with friends and celebrate a buddy’s birthday. It was a great time in addition to being a learning experience. Here are some of the things that I found out:
Phones don’t work properly – BB (my friend who was celebrating his birthday) got a text a day after his party from his brother wishing him a happy birthday and saying that he tried to call the day before but couldn’t get through. BB is a notorious stickler about people remembering his birthday and missing it even by a day is an egregious offense to him. His brother knows this and decided to use the lamest/stupidest lie ever. He claimed that he called him but did not leave a message and BB didn’t pick up. Does his brother not understand cell phone technology? I have had people use this same type of excuse on me before and not only is it a lame attempt to lie, it is also insulting. Did BB’s brother really think that BB would believe that 1 – He actually called 2 -The cell phone did not record the number on caller ID 3 – He decided not to leave a message on either call attempt. He might as well have just texted BB and called him a complete fucking idiot… and by the way happy belated birthday. Continue reading Things I learned in Chicago →
I came into work today and one of my co-workers dropped a bomb on me. He said he fucked my Mother.
Just kidding! – that did actually (maybe) happen to Lebron James right before game 4 of the Eastern Conference Semi-finals. Allegedly Delonte West, one of Lebron’s teammates, has been “driving the lane” on Lebron’s mom for the last few months and Lebron found out about it shortly before he shit the bed in the playoffs. Either Delonte West is really into MIWF’s (Mothers I Wouldn’t Fuck) or he wants to become the most hated man in Cleveland. If this rumor is true he will be the reason that the Cav’s didn’t get a chance at the title and why Lebron will be playing somewhere else next year. It also will probably make for some pretty weird family dinner’s if Delonte wants to keep dating Mrs. James – something tells me that Lebron may not want his mom getting bottomed out by a guy with neck tattoos 25 years her junior. Continue reading Successful Operation of the Rumormill →
Note: This is a continuation from a previous post about various road trip experiences I have had – if you have not read it you can catch up here.
Ontario – “Wait… was that a sign for New York?”
Sophomore year in college I organized a winter formal in Toronto, Ontario. The main reason was that the drinking age is 19 and anytime I could legally get a drink at the bar I felt much classier when I was that age. I helped organize the event so I was obligated to go even though I had just broken up with my girlfriend. I took one of my friends and we had a fantastic time at the party then drinking our faces off in Toronto… until the ride back to Michigan. I was pretty spent from drinking and organizing 40 couples (have you ever heard the phrase “it was like herding cats”? Getting my drunk 19-21 year old college friends organized was like herding retarded cats… with brain damage… on speed). The next morning I was a mix of drunk. exhausted and hungover. We hopped in the car with another couple and started back west towards the Michigan border. Continue reading RoadTrippin’ Chronicles II →
I have been on many dates in my life. Some good, some bad and some in between. There is one night that is the current and probably will forever be the reigning champ for worst first date I have ever been on. It all started innocently enough after I met this chick at the bar and we talked a few times on the phone and decided to go out to World Famous in Mission Beach for Taco Tuesday. We did the usual chitchat about family and music and food and what we like to do in our free time and BLAH BLAH BLAH. No sparks really flew but I can safely say we were enjoying ourselves and the date was going smoothly. Continue reading Meth-heads are total C-blockers… →
[Editor's note: I have tried to get a few friends to come up with something for the site... most have failed (I'm looking in your direction KS and BB). One has not however - presenting for the first time... TK! You may remember her as the confused traveler in "A Concert Story II". She used to live in San Diego but she recently moved to San Francisco and is slowly but surely becoming a dirty hippie (kidding... but not really) This post and any future posts from her will appear in green. My snarky comments appear in black. Without further ado...]
After a Saturday cleaning effort of prolific proportion left the Beach House with an overload of random, albeit interesting items that we could no longer keep, we decided to have an impromptu yard sale/ BBQ the following day. Saturday night we made some yard sale signs and posted an ad on Craigslist that was sure to draw at least a few brave souls*
Concerts are fantastic. As I have outlined in previous posts they are the perfect storm for many of the things that I love – music, people watching and substance abuse. Two weekends ago I flew to San Francisco to hang out with one of my friends that moved there recently (lets call her “TK” for anonymity’s sake). I flew in on Thursday in the early afternoon and we dropped my stuff off at her house and we took a bus down to the BART station that would take us within walking distance of the Fox Theater in Oakland. First of all I usually never like to ride on the bus. Bus travel sucks. Give me a train over a bus any day. For every 1 lunatic hobo on the train there are 10 on the bus. On this bus trip I was completely baked and there was a homeless gentleman that was screaming at an Asian lady (or maybe the invisible person next to the Asian lady that I couldn’t see). For about 3 stops he was a raving lunatic barking at her about racism, drugs and a literary critique of “Little Women” (OK – I made one of those up) but she was absolutely stoic. She looked like one of those guys on The World Series of Poker when they have a full house and are trying to bluff a guy to go all in. Add that to the list of things that Asians are good at. Continue reading A Concert Story II →
I have been living in downtown San Diego for about 2 months now and it has been everything I thought it would be and more. I have seen more interesting things is the short time I have lived in my new place than the 4 years I had lived at my old pad in a more suburban setting. Besides some of the characters I have already chronicled in past posts I have noticed a few things about my fellow downtown San Diegans including:
Today, I stumbled upon one of the filthiest food incarnations that people will inevitably stuff down their gaping maw. This “sandwich” marks a potential turning point for American society. If it is popular and other restaurants start to emulate it I think we will know that Americans are committed to being a bunch of fat fucks. At its core KFC is offering a pure meat sandwich the likes of which I have never seen. It is a menage trois of processed animal carcass. Basically the chicken is double-teaming the pig and KFC is suggesting that I eat this gang-bang. I don’t think I could stomach it but I know this will be popular. Appeal to the lowest common denominator of the American public and anyone can be successful – depressing but true. Continue reading The fast food apocalypse is upon us… →
I am sitting here on the last day of the quarter waiting for an order to book so I can have a respectable commission paycheck next month – ahhhhhh, the joys of sales. It got me thinking a bit about my job and the rest of the jobs that fill out the corporate roster. From the receptionist to the CEO there are stereotypes for every niche within an organization. What have I learned about stereotypes?… that’s right, they are always true and need to be perpetuated (I am joking but there is a kernel of truth about stereotypes being mostly true). Anyways here are my feelings about each department in this wonderful institution know as a “Corporation”. We can start out with my current area of “expertise”:
Sales
Sales people are usually known as the loudest, doucheist, most overpaid people in the whole company. However, they are usually the funnest to hang out with and throw the best parties. Part of the douchebaggery of the sales team is due to idiots getting paid way more then they should. Just because a person has a knack for dealing with people they have the opportunity to get paid more than an astronaut or the President of the United States. If I were some asshole with a Masters in Finance making 85K while a 25 year old guy in with a associates degree from Lake County Community College was making 185K I would be pissed too. Continue reading Working Late →
I have written in the past about slowing things down and not worrying about making things faster so we would be able to enjoy the things around us more. I still believe that but I know one thing for sure – waiting sucks. There are many different times in life where you are required to wait for something with a group of other people. Each of these different waiting experiences is brutal in its own special way some however are shittier than others. If Dante were to descend down the 7 levels of waiting areas this is the order that he would go in: Continue reading Waiting… then more waiting… →
I went back home to Chicago this weekend to hang out with friends and celebrate a buddy’s birthday. It was a great time in addition to being a learning experience. Here are some of the things that I found out:
