Relationships, Sex 2 comments

Why are you a Bastard? Because you’re Crazy.

By on October 19th, 2009

taking_crazy_pills1In my estimation all women are crazy and all men are bastards.

Don’t ask me how it works - I think It has something to do with Testosterone, Etstrogen or maybe Chlorophyll.  No matter how hard a guy tries there is always a percentage of him that at his core is an asshole and craziness just comes naturally to women (I know these are broad generalizations and I am certainly no relationship guru but hear me out - and if you can’t then go back to work… OK, still with me?  Good).   There is no way around it, that’s just how it is.  To make my argument a little clearer it would probably be helpful for me to explain exactly what I mean by “crazy” and “bastard”.  Continue reading Why are you a Bastard? Because you’re Crazy. →

Top Nine Friday, Work 5 comments

Top Nine Friday – Denizens of the Salt Mine Edition

By on October 16th, 2009

saltmanI work in a salt mine…  Actually, I used to work in a salt mine.  Wait… that’s not true either.

The term salt mine was coined by my brother about 6 years ago when I was working at a shitty call center grinding through my 7-4 shift Tuesday through Saturday slinging Direct TV equipment.  He was visiting me for a couple of days and I let him borrow my car while I was working.  True to form he was about a half hour late picking me up from that God-forsaken hell hole.  Waiting for him on the uncomfortable plastic break room chairs while watching the other call center losers heat up their microwave burritos put me in an especially foul mood.  After reading pretty much everything on the bulletin board (within that half hour I became an expert in the occupational hazard law in California) I finally spotted my jackass brother pull up outside fresh from a surf.  The day had apparently beat me down because as I shambled out to the car (shirt half tucked, head hanging low) he said “Salt mine getting you down?”  I hopped into the car and looked at myself in the mirror.  Although I have never seen a salt miner I swear that I looked like I just clocked out of a 12 hour shift in the salt pit.  That’s how much a bad job can bring you down.  I have long since left that job for greener pastures to a less aggravating job but thinking back on it now it was certainly a true salt mine, but there is a little salt mine in every job.  Even if you love your job there are some days that you don’t want to be there or your co-workers suck.  Every salt mine has a crew of people that you would not normally spend 8 hours a day of your own volition and this Top Nine Friday is dedicated to the douchie-est of these familiar salt mine inhabitants. Continue reading Top Nine Friday – Denizens of the Salt Mine Edition →

College, Musings 6 comments

“Experimenting” with Drugs and Booze

By on October 14th, 2009

MsChenSooo… I have been conducting a little experiment with myself for the past few weeks.  I took my Dad up on a $100 bet and agreed to lay off the sauce for 30 days.  I have about a week left and my sobriety has ranged from a non-issue to a night-ruiner and everywhere in between.  I have not written a lab report in about a decade so I figured I would dust off some of my long forgotten skills I picked up in CHEM 101 and get all scientific for a bit.

*Sidenote* – I learned how to format my labs Freshman year in college from this Asian lady, Miss Chen, who (to put it lightly) had a tentative grasp on the finer points of the English language.  The lab was on Monday morning at 8AM - I spent half of the class trying to decipher her chinglish while pretending I knew what I was doing and simultaneously trying to get in my lab partners pants…  Continue reading “Experimenting” with Drugs and Booze →

Philosophy 2 comments

Everything Happens for a Reason?

By on October 12th, 2009

Happened-for-a-reasonneactual “Everything happens for a reason.”

I hear it all the time whenever someone talks about things that have happened to them in the past.  Why do so many people believe that to be true?  The idea that events are culminating into some grand plan which will eventually put the individual in some sort of more evolved state or “right” position is part narcissism, part blind faith and 100% bullshit.  In reality there is no “reason” for any of the disparate events that befall us.  There are any number of realities that could have culminated based on actions that we take throughout every second of  life.  There is one reality that we perceive and it did not come into being because of a reason but rather because we took a specific set of actions that led us to our “current state”.  People attach a significance to an event after the fact in order to help make sense of their reality and achieve a more ordered state to their perception of the world around them. It may help people process their current reality and help them feel better about it but it is logically false. Continue reading Everything Happens for a Reason? →

Television, Top Nine Friday 2 comments

Top Nine Friday – “Up and AT THEM” Edition

By on October 9th, 2009

margesimpsonFor this edition of Top Nine Friday I wanted to examine a television show that has been close to my heart ever since I was just a youngster playing with GI Joe and avoiding getting my ass beat by my older brothers.   That show is M.A.S.H… just kidding, I hate that fucking show.  Just hearing the first few notes of the opening song of M.A.S.H makes me wish the Korean War never happened, just so that show was never made.  Anyways, the show I am really referring to is The Simpsons.

I watched it religiously all through grade school and into high school.  Then it became syndicated and I was able to watch it every day.  This continued through high school and even into college where the 2 hours that the reruns played were dedicated solely to Simpsons viewing.  In college my house would literally shut down during this time of the day.  To be honest though I have not watched a new Simpson’s episode in a few years and disavow all knowledge of any new episodes being created after 2002.    My hours of couch time spent watching this show has given me an encyclopedic knowledge of any Simpsons episode from seasons 3-13 (the early episodes have not aged well).  So in honor of Marge Simpson appearing on the cover of Playboy I am examining the best of the best Simpsons episodes from those years: Continue reading Top Nine Friday – “Up and AT THEM” Edition →

Musings, Obsessions, Work 3 comments

The Aggravation Index

By on October 7th, 2009

Aggravation

I am so happy to be living in the era that I exist in right now but there are things about the mechanisms and customs of life that seem to be built solely to piss me off.  I have been accused of being a procrastinator or lazy because I don’t want to get my dry cleaning, buy stuff for the house or change my cable service.  Part of it is laziness but the main reason that I don’t get this stuff taken care of it is because these activities physically pain me.  Talking to the douche-bag at Blockbuster explaining about a DVD they are mysteriously charging to my credit card for or discussing how exactly your reservation at the Luxor was completely fucked tend to be excruciating.  How painful are they though? Continue reading The Aggravation Index →

Philosophy 5 comments

Theory of Normalization

By on October 5th, 2009

This idea is something that I have been thinking about for a while and it has to do with the overall perception of well being that any person feels in any situation.  Pretty broad, I know, but the thought process behind it is so simplistic yet is completely opposite from how people perceive the current situation in life versus their past and their future.  Confused yet?  I am.  This is the first time I have really put these thoughts down in writing so bear with me. Continue reading Theory of Normalization →

Movies, Musings, Top Nine Friday No comments yet

Top Nine Friday – End of The World Edition

By on October 2nd, 2009

If I am looking to buy a book, rent a movie, or watch a TV show there is one subject that I will choose over anything else – the apocalypse.  From your standard 99.99% deadly virus to a global infestation of zombies to a nuclear holocaust I love me some world destruction.  Basically they are all the same premise:

  • The protagonist gets thrown into a chaotic situation and the standard rules of the world are thrown out of the window as they stumble blindly around familiar environments that are made unfamiliar by their new scenario’s “rules”.
  • The confusion and loneliness of their situation slowly worn away by finding others or learning why or how they ended up in their current situation.
  • At the peak of their self-realization a plan is made to solve their problem or relocate to a realm of safety.
  • Battles are won and lost, more people die and they arrive to a solution or a place of perceived safety only to yield more uncertainty.
  • The credits roll and the audience is unsatisfied.

There are a few things here that are worth exploring: Continue reading Top Nine Friday – End of The World Edition →

Musings, Sex, Writing 1 comment

Time… to begin

By on September 29th, 2009

I have always had a secret obsession with the passing of time.  The general workings of life fascinate me more than almost anything.  Part of this obsession has to do with the various ways that I catalog the happenings in life.  My memory sucks.  It does, it always has, and some drug/alcohol dabbling here and there probably have not helped the memory retention area of my brain.  Bong rips and getting brown-out drunk out do not seem to lend themselves to having a razor sharp recall.  I can’t remember birthdays, names of relatives, appointments or anything other than the stuff I have saved in my blackberry.  To combat this poor memory I have relied mostly on writing. Continue reading Time… to begin →

Music, Social Issues 1 comment

Reason for Musical Ambiguity

By on March 3rd, 2008

What is it about music that makes people say they are interested in all types and really “don’t like any specific style”?  A guaranteed response from anyone who you ask “What type of music do you like?”, will be, “Nothing specific really, I like everything except maybe X style and Y style of music.”  No other medium is like that.  The question is usually phrased differently if it is posed regarding movies, books or TV shows, however, most people are more reluctant to commit to any specific genre in respect to music.  Most people can’t even come up with a favorite band if you ask them, however, in general people can tell you what their favorite movie is without a problem.  Are people’s musical tastes much more all inclusive than any other medium or is it that most are reluctant to be included into a social category that certain musical tastes connote? Continue reading Reason for Musical Ambiguity →