So that brings me to the title of this post – I went to Costco (rrrrr) last weekend.  I received a text from one of my American buddies on Saturday: “Costco – you wanna go?”  I did not need anything from Costco nor do I have any place to put an 8 gallon drum of olive oil in my apartment but I wasn’t doing anything and I was curious about something so American transplanted to Sydney.  If they could not even say Costco correctly, how could they possibly run the store?  I needed to check it out, if only as a social observation activity (I love me some people watching).  Anyways, he and his girlfriend picked me up from my house and we took off.  A trip that should have taken 20 minutes turned into a 90 minute road trip in bumper to bumper traffic.  I had no idea that you could set a GPS system to route you through every congested piece of Australian roadway but apparently we did.  My lanky ass was in the back seat performing some sweet yoga contortions trying to get comfortable, to no avail.  At last I saw the shining beacon of the Costco sign and thought my backseat pain was over.  I was wrong.

Thus began the odyssey of finding parking in a woefully small lot filled with Asians behind the wheel and pushing around carts (deadly combination).  It was beyond brutal.  Inside our car there was complaining… and swearing… and racism… until we finally found a spot – 20 minutes later.  I was spent already and I knew that I would never come back to Costco.  Frankly, I didn’t even want to go in, then I saw a 350lb woman with her cart full of assorted artery clogging foods and a 90 pack of toilet paper and I knew that I needed to forge ahead.

On the ground floor, near the entrance from the parking garage was the customer service area which looked like a refugee camp, crammed with aggravated people waiting in line behind a makeshift chicken wire fence.  It reminded me of the gas lines that I have seen in documentaries from the 70′s.

We quickly passed that scene and went up a ramp to the store upstairs.  I finally walked into the main lobby area.  One word - clusterfuck.

So. many. people. consuming.

I have been to Costco before but never to one this crowded.  I felt like I could get agoraphobia and claustrophobia all in one place.  After walking around for a bit I realized everything was the same as the US.  There were the couples arguing about what ridiculously large quantity of this or that they should buy.  There was the tired, overweight, angry mom with her gaggle of kids buzzing around her like dimmed insect zapper.  It was all there, Costco had been able to export over-consumption to Australia.  I walked around and gathered the few things that I wanted (all American items that I haven’t been able to find in local stores – bagels, mayo, and shredded American cheese) and became a little depressed.  This was all of the worst stuff about America, and were the things that most Australians rip on me for yet here was a monument to capitalism and mass consumption in their own country.

I met back up with my friend and his cart  overflowing with $700 dollars worth of this and that to stand in the longest line I have ever been in outside of Six Flags Great America.  We finally exited and I realized that no matter where we were, some things never change.

We were starving and there was no question that we were going to eat ourselves retarded.  I was not disappointed, the standard hotdog and cheese pizza tasted EXACTLY the same as it does in the US.  I finished the last bit of my pizza, saw the sun setting amongst the rest of the outlet malls that dotted the road away from Costco and thought to myself that this kind of living can’t sustain itself.  Corporations have exported this lifestyle overseas to “enrich”  local populations across the world but unfortunately everyone in the world cannot binge, purge and waste as Americans.  We are coming to the end of an era of American domination and over-consumption in general.  The environment, lack of energy resources and overpopulation all prohibit this being a viable option for too much longer.

As the sun winked behind one of the golden arches of the McDonald’s sign down the road we grabbed our cart and headed to thec car.  I will never go back to that Costco and I wonder how long such things will exist?

This is really an impossibility to determine.  It is such a macro question and there are so many different factors that weigh on the answer that it is difficult to come to an educated answer.  In light of that I am going to ask a second question that I have been wondering about for a while.  To speculate the answer to the second question I am going to assume that the answer to the first question is “Yes”, the US is in a worse place than it was 30 years ago.

Second question:  Why are we in a worse place?

The answer is simple and it has to do with the direction that culture has gone since World War 2.  Americans are obsessed with competition and separation instead of community and cooperation.  Its a simple answer, however, the causes and ramifications of this notion are complicated.  There is still an aspect of community in the US but generally it is focused on the appearance of cooperation and unity while in actuality the majority of individuals are looking to personally enrich themselves.  This type of attitude perpetuates itself.  When one party is greedy it causes others to distrust EVERYONE and act in a self serving manner themselves.  We have devolved into a society that looks to screw our neighbor over before they screw us over.

This attitude can be seen in the way that people conduct their careers.  People used to start working for a company in their late teens early twenties and retire from the same company 50 years.  Job jumping was not something people did and for the most part people’s careers grew as the company grew.  Now it is much different.  I have been at my company for over 5 years and I am one of the people with the longest tenure in the office.  I have moved around to a few different positions and negotiated for more pay/benefits but if not the company tends to keep those people at a steady salary with marginal increases.  This leads to new hires getting paid more than existing employees (it pisses me off that this is a standard business practice).  I can understand that some companies do this to attract the top talent but it should not come at the expense of current employees.  The only reason they would think about paying an existing employee  more is if they threaten to leave.  That is not a positive relationship.  The company looks out for itself and the employee looks out for his or herself.  Employees pretend to give a fuck about the company but they don’t and the company does the same.  I was actually told by a recruiter that if hiring agents see that you stayed at the same company fro a while it was construed as a negative.  That’s fucked up.

Another example is the technology that we use today.  Social media sites are billed as expanding community and connecting people.  I see it as deluding the “real” community of people around you and isolating people with their technology.  If one can connect online with groups of people that have the same interests it lessens the impact of the local community and further isolates the user.  I see people on the train everyday banging away at the Facebook app on their phones totally oblivious to the people around them.  While these services “connect” people it does so at a very surface level.  Knowing what everyone is doing at any specific moment does not connect you anymore to that person.  Most of the applications of social media are designed to glorify the ego of the specific user, broadcasting the details of their lives to others that may or may not care (just like a blog… oh sweet irony).  This leads to more, yet fewer “deeper” relationships and a decreased focus on the “real” community around the user.  This activity actually leads to people who are more detached from the community at large and more likely to disregard the people around them.

I could see a shift happening in my childhood, I wasn’t actually aware of it but looking back I could see a clear path to the mindset of today. This selfish mindset is ancient and has always been a part of human nature but since the Cold War, which was at its core an ideological battle of capitalism vs communism, it has pervaded every part of our society from the public figures we worship to our familial relations.  Capitalism won out and created the ”me first” culture we are in today.  I am not saying that the capitalist ideology is a failure but rather that some of the values of a more community focused ideology may lead the US to a better future. Recent corporate environmental issues and the late 2000′s economic collapse are two examples of events and catastrophes that resulted in individuals solely focused on maximizing their own gain at the detriment of the community around them.

I certainly don’t have any solutions to this problem but I think it is real and personally I can only see it getting worse.  What do you think?

Although I have never been in the Army and am probably more on the pussy side of the scale than the badass side (I’m a lover, not a fighter) I feel like I could relate to them.  Not in any type of military context, since 100% of these guys are way tougher than I am, but rather in a symbolic way.  The previous night I played wingman to one of my buddies who had been visiting for the weekend.

This chick that he had a hardon for is living in Melbourne she decided to come to Sydney with one of her buddies for the long weekend.  Hanging out with this chick’s friend was certainly not me jumping on a “grenade” by any means, she was cute, definitely not my cup of tea, but a cute girl nonetheless.  Chatting up her friend was not where I was reluctantly called to duty but rather with some random old lady whose house they were staying at.  Apparently my visitors friend met this lady a while back and she offered that they stay at her place in Liverpool (an hour out of the Sydney).

When my buddy initially talked to the girls they were complaining about how far the place they were staying was (which it is).  I chimed in and offered that they could crash at my pad.  They, meaning the 2 girls, not THEY meaning the two girls and their old wet blanket soccer mom.  However, just as the mighty Australian fighters did during their battle at Gallipoli, I persevered.  When the girl I was talking to started to spout off racist theories on Aborigines (They have sex in the front yard and throw garbage in the streets!) – I persevered, when the psuedo-Mom was trying to cock-block my friend and I ran interference by chatting her up – I persevered, when the old lady came back to my house to crash and complained about being hungry – I persevered (and made her pasta).

At some point though even the most stalwart wingmen must fight thier own battles and look out for themselves.  I closed the door and retreated to my bedroom at about 4AM.  Leaving my friend and his chick on one side of the couch and what looked like a refugee camp with a snoring old lady on the other end.

The next day I was just about done with the wing-man routine as we went out to the bars for ANZAC day with the same “ladies”.  It was kind of gloomy and I really didn’t feel like drinking much.  If this were some random US holiday I probably would have just taken it easy and called it an early night.  It wasn’t a random US holiday though, it was mother-fucking ANZAC Day.  Little did I know I was walking into one of the most finely crafted holidays ever.

It is a widely known fact that Australians love holidays and love drinking.  It is a not so widely known fact that are huge gamblers as well.  ANZAC day is a pretty standard holiday except it heavily incorporates drinking and gambling combined with a public holiday.  Basically, this is my personal holy trinity of fun (… in the name of the lazy, the drunk and the gambling spirit… amen).  Let me explain.  Apparently the Australian sailors who got their asses handed to them in Gallipoli played a game called “2-up” when they weren’t getting shot at.  This game was banned in Australia because of the problems it caused but for this one day, ANZAC day, they lift the ban.

2-up follow’s Australia’s tradition of simplicity.  Basically, everyone at the pub stands around in a circle with one person in the middle as the coin flipper.  If you would like to bet that the outcome is “heads” you put whatever denomination you would like in your hand and point to your head.  If you would like “tails” you look for someone that is pointing to their head and give them an equal amount of money that they are holding up.  The person betting heads holds the cash until the flipping is complete and the coins come up either 2 heads or 2 tails.  If  ”heads” wins the person keeps the money in hand, if “tails” wins the “heads”  person gives all the money to the tails person.  That’s it.  Simple.  Oh, one last wrinkle – if there are 5 flips without definitive heads or tails the flipper has to do push-ups (if a guys is flipping) or jumping-jacks (if a girl is flipping)… good times.

Like I said, the Australians nailed this one.  They hit the trinity of fun PLUS girls doing jumping jacks. BINGO.  Anyways it was a glorious afternoon.  We really need to sort out something similar to this in the US… maybe Roulettines Day… or Blackjackeen… maybe Crapshanuka?  Ah, forget it…

In the same way that San Diego is a town full of visitors and migrants Sydney is the same except a bit more international flavor and absolutely no black people or Mexicans.  [Insert racist joke here]  There are so many different cultures that find themselves drawn to Sydney and conversations always meander towards the things that people notice about the culture that strikes them as odd.  At a base level it is the same anywhere one goes but the more superficial one gets the more the differences bubble to the surface.  For example:

Sauces and Ice

I ordered a meal from McDonald’s and I asked for ketchup.  They put 1 packet in my bag… one fucking packet.  I can slather that on about 3 fingerfuls of fries.  The next time that I went I specifically asked for extra ketchup.  That time she put 2 in the bag and corrected me (you mean tomato sauce?).  I mentioned this to a friend and she explained to me that Americans are notorious as “over saucers”.  I was never aware of this… I didn’t know if I should be insulted or proud.

In the same vein of the Australian stinginess on sauce they never put enough ice in any drink, especially mixed drinks.  I am a fast drinker and each time I finish my Jameson and Ginger Ale and there is no ice left.  I don’t get it, don’t people want cold drinks?  This is a hot desert country one would think that they would load their drinks up with ice.  I have already started to assimilate to the culture a bit but I like my drinks icy, my foods properly sauced and my homosexuals flllaaaammmming (tip of the cap to Homer Simpson).  I ain’t changing.. USA USA USA!

Look.

This was one of the first turns of phrase that threw me for a loop.  On one of my first days in the office I was talking to a business partner and we were wrapping up the conversation and he said “Look… I need you to do X, Y and Z.”  I hung up the phone and immediately thought that the guy was treating me like an asshole.  In the US when you start a sentence with “look” it is the similar to starting a sentence with “Listen up shithead”.  I came to find out that “look” was a summation word and people commonly start saying that to finish up conversations.  It still sounds weird to me and I still feel like like cold-cocking the person every time that I hear it.

Bar Scene

I could do an entire post on this but there a a few things I can highlight now.

1. No tips - sounds good in theory but in practice it sucks.  The minimum wage is very high and the waiters and waitresses don’t give a shit about you because they are not working for a tip.  They get paid the same same no matter what.  They screw up your order… fuck off.  They pour the wrong drink… fuck off.  I would rather pay the few extra bucks and have better service.  The lack of waitstaff working for tips also leads me to my next point.
2. Booze - For Australia being known as a big drinking culture it is damn hard to get drunk in this town.  Every time the bartenders pour out a shot they use a shot glass and never over pour.  It is a bit ridiculous.  Basically, with the lack of ice I am paying for a lukewarm ginger ale with a splash of Whiskey… good times.
3. Bathrooms - Every single bathroom I have been to is an absolute cesspool.  Even in nice bars it smells like the 3rd day of the port-o-potty area at Coachella.  Has glade plug-in technology not been imported here yet?  Would it kill them to fire up a scented candle?  Half the problem is that most bars have you pissing into a grate on the floor instead of a proper urinal.  Metal floor grates are for slaughterhouses and city sidewalks not for drunk people to piss into.  No bueno.
4. Drinking age - I have always thought that the drinking age should be 18.  I now have second thoughts.  My new position is that 18 should be the drinking age but those same 18 year-olds should not be allowed at the bar until they are 21.  Use the 3 years of bar-less drinking to hone your game and become a proper social drinker.  Although seeing some 18 year-old kid polish off a Jagerbomb and face-plant into a table is funny it gets old when I am trying to chill and have a relaxed evening.

Chicks

Since I moved here everyone asks “I hear that the girls loooovvveeee Americans there”.  This is partly true and partly false, the way I have explained it is that everyone in Australia secretly loves Americans.  They talk shit about the government/politics and the overall “American” stereotype but are very invested in American pop culture and love America as a travel destination.  Women are the same way.  If you come across as the American stereotype you are dead in the water but if you sit back, play your cards right and lay on the American accent you are golden.  It is the same things as a guy with an Australian accent in the US, different is good and different here happens to be American.

Ahhhhh – It is nice to be back on the blogging bandwagon… I am now off for my 5 day weekend which includes ANZAC day which is similar to Veterans day but people pack the pubs and play a coin flipping gambling game called “2 up” that is outlawed every single other day of the year.  Should be interesting…

Dock Ellis

Dock Ellis is an unknown American hero.  I didn’t even know that he existed until I was forwarded the video below a few minutes ago.  He was a pitcher for the Pittsburgh Pirates in the 1970′s and after viewing this clip I felt it was my job to perpetuate his glory.  His heroic story is nicely encapsulated in this youtube clip (It is 5 minutes long and I highly recommend watching, it is fucking hilarious):

Here is the Wikepedia article which includes his full background (including another story where he intentionally beaned half of the Cincinnati Reds team before being yanked by his manager).  How have I never heard of him before?  It is probably the single greatest feat of anyone who was high.  When I am stoned I can barely figure out how to work my DVD player, let alone pitch a complete game no-hitter.  Also, the video has now entered a few choice phrases into my own personal vernacular.  I can’t wait to tell one of my friends who is really fucked up that they “have a no-no going” or that they are “as high as a Georgia pine”.  Fantastic, just fantastic.

Garbage

I went to this Indian place for lunch today and located the filthiest trash receptacle in all of San Diego County.  Actually it may even be tops for all of Southern California.  Behold:

When I see this outside of a restaurant I can only imagine the condition of the kitchen. It looks like this garbage can was on the business end of a gangbang with about 15 other trash bins.  I understand though, in order to enjoy Indian food one needs to have at least a little tolerance for a scummy looking atmosphere.  When I go to really nice Indian restaurant the food is never as good as the hole-in-the-wall places.  In some weird way the grubbiness actually improves the flavor.  Anyways, back to my point, if anyone can document a grosser trash bin post something in the comments. The gauntlet has been thrown.

Turning the mirror

I was talking with one of my friends today and she was debating on whether or not to go out with one of her friends to see the new Jackass movie.  She went on and on about how anyone who would watch that movie is a white trash idiot.  This is the same person who has “GTL” as their current away message on IM.  In her mind, she could rail about the idiots that watch Jackass and still feel comfortable being obsessed with Jersey Shore.  That’s is like Hitler telling Mussolini that he was being a dick for invading North Africa.  In my mind they are pretty much the same show.  Similar to Jackass, most of the people that end up back at the Jersey Shore house are putting themselves in jeopardy of direct bodily harm by coming into contact with the show’s characters.  Although I have not watched the show since its first episode, what I do hear about is that they are either fighting or fucking which generally leads to bumps, bruises and eventually syphilis.  My point is that we all could use a little introspection and I think turning the mirror on ourselves would help lead to a little more understanding and tolerance in the world.  If all the Jackass people could see a little of themselves in the Jersey Shore people we would live in a much better place.  Everyone thinks they are perfect but the fact is that we all suck. *Cue “The More You Know” PSA star wipe*

On that note, I will end this post.  It has been a really fun year of writing and I look forward to many more… thanks for reading!

I am not saying that I am above corner cutting and overall “softening” of the US’s collective intelligence, if anything, I am a product of it.  I can admit it though, a great example is my job.  I have been working in technology sales for a about ten years.  Some of it has been a never ending grind of cold calls and call metrics while other positions have been so incredibly cushy that I am surprised that someone is stupid enough to be paying me to do my job.  Right now I am in a position that is the latter but shifting to more of the former.  Most of my job is just exhibiting the appearance of work and doing anything in the background that needs to be done to attain my goals or at least be equal or better to my peers.  Sales jobs in general are a cat and mouse game between the salesperson and the executives where the executives try to game the quota system and the salespeople take the path of least resistance to get as much money as they can and not break too much of a sweat.  It disgusts me sometimes but then I look at my W-2 and everything seems OK after that.

That last sentence is part of the point that I am trying to make.  Everything is so focused on the short term results of whatever we are doing that it is difficult to zero in on any longer term damage or what we had to do (good or bad) to achieve those goals.  Sometimes my job success requires me to be shady or tell half truths to get results and I do whatever it takes because if I don’t, someone else will and where will that leave me?  Most issues that are facing the US is a culmination of that problem.  Environmental issues, the collapse of the mortgage/banking system and the health care debacle are all cases of people in charge focusing on the short term and trying to rig the system for their own interests.  Everyone is out there doing the same thing.  Why should I work hard, play by the rules and focus on sustainable long term goals when everyone else is cheating and no one seems to really care?  This is only exacerbated in oligopolies like the government and corporate America where a few key people have control over the destinies of millions.  When I screw someone over on a deal at work it only effects a few people.  When a senator or a CEO is selfish or not working for the good of the community at large it can have a terrible effect.

This sense of entitlement and short sightedness has spilled over into the world of entertainment.  Reality stars surface, skyrocket to popularity and plummet back to anonymity while the public clamors for news about people that are in the public eye not because they are talented but rather because they are aberrations from the norm.  I seldom watch these shows but when I do I watch them for the “train wreck” factor.  Really it is just me revel is other’s misfortune and idiocy.  Is that what our society has come too?  Seeing talentless idiots like “Snookie” is a cheap thrill and diminishes the collective intelligence of everyone involved.  Instead of talking with a friend, listening to some good music or reading a book people get sucked in to watching complete morons make asses of themselves on TV.

In addition to the worship of shallow idiots modern entertainment zealously feasts on the poor decisions of the talented (or at least semi-talented) people.  When someone like Tiger Woods, Michael Jackson or celebrity du jour X       fall, they fall hard.  To the glee of the media and its ravenous consumers the dirt of the fallen is paraded around until they are dropped to the level of the reader.  Only then is the public satisfied, craving the decimation of public, talented people to temper their jealousy and make them feel more important.  It always gets me when people demand an apology from a celebrity for some public gaffe.  Why does anyone give a shit if a celebrity is sorry for what they did?  I certainly couldn’t give a fuck.  It is all part of people’s self importance and the only thing the public likes to see more than no name reality show idiots rise and flame out is talented people crash disastrously.

I think at the core people are good.  Society and the environment are constantly taking that core and shaping it into what we really are at that moment – in the case of most Americans that core has been changed into a narcissistic, lazy conniving shadow of what it could be.

There is some good left though.  How can we change our current trajectory?  Damned if I know but we can’t change anything about what we are until we take a step back and realize there is a problem.  Only then can we move away from a hard fall for our own country punctuated by fingerpointing and apathy.

Geez – I guess Mondays suck… what do you think?  Is there a silver lining somewhere that I can’t see?

Maybe that is the key.  Music, more than any other medium associates itself in our minds as a strong identifier to a certain social group.  When one thinks about liking Rap, Country, Indie, or Rave music a certain picture of each person is conjured in their head.  This is much more, than say, if one were to say that their favorite book was “Catcher in the Rye” or they liked to watch “Lost” or that their favorite movie was “The Godfather”.  Are people aware of these stereotypes regarding their musical tastes and unless they are deeply entrenched in the social group associated with that specific type of music they tend to shy away from identifying themselves as a fan of a specific genre?

It would be an interesting study to ask people that question and compare thier answers to what they had in thier musical library and how much thier identification with that music affected thier lives and interactions with thier various peer groups.

Finally, a sane person saying sane things.  Now to see if anyone will listen to him.  American agents are torturing people.  Period.  End of statement.  The fact that Americans are not vocal in opposition to this is disheartening.  Hopefully more influential people will speak out to this fact and things can be changed.  At least this is a start.

I showed this to some friends and the first thing that they said was, “I wonder what that would do to the economy”.  The first reaction that most people are trained to respond with to this type of ominous environmental information is by relating the situation to money.  Apparently that is going to be the only way to get people to do anything about mitigating the effect of humans on the environment, by monetizing it.  Hopefully that day comes soon as there is not much time left before there are changes made to the makeup of the planet that can not be reversed without major suffering across the globe.