Gambling my life away…
I gamble – not the degenerate style gambling that would drain my bank account or cause me to get my legs broken by a guy named Johnny “Roast Beef” Santucci, but rather more of a casual gambler. It is a losing proposition and the odds are against me. I understand. Sports gambling is basically an industry that was created to give the people who run it a distinct advantage and sucker schmucks like me into thinking that I may have a chance to hit it big. Making money is not the draw for me, however, my enthusiasm for gambling is to make things interesting.
If I told you that I was going to race a hamster and a gerbil you would think that I was insane and you would be uninterested in the outcome. If I told you that you could win $100 bucks if the hamster won and only risk $10 I would probably have your attention. That’s why gambling is popular, by wagering a few bucks on something it can turn the mundane into the exciting.
We should have the ability to gamble on EVERYTHING. I have a running “marker” (a running total that a friend and I bet against and pay out at the end of the year in Vegas) with one of my buddies and with a few “marker” dollars we can change boring situations into something far more interesting. For example, one of our friends bought a bike at a garage sale with the idea that she would get in shape by riding this bike all around town. Knowing my friend’s aversion of physical fitness I set the over/under on the number of times that she would ride the bike that year at 1.5. My buddy bet the “over” (so his bet signified that she would be riding her bike two times or more). Anytime she headed into the garage we both held our breaths wondering if she would dust the cobwebs off and take her new purchase out for a spin. In the end she NEVER rode that bike and I won $20 bucks. In my opinion risking the loss of $20 for the benefit of being genuinely excited about somebody walking into a garage is well worth it. Anything and everything can be bet on and made more fun.
Everyone should have a friend to place bets with based on all of the mundane details of your life and the lives of the people in your social circles. Imagine if you could place a wager on something like this:
Jim will still be dating Ellen by the end of the year.
No +500
Yes -800
For those not up to speed on gambling lingo this says that if you bet $100 dollars on “No” and our fictitious Jim and Ellen break up then you win $500 bucks. If you had that much riding on your friends relationship wouldn’t it would create a whole new interest level when Ellen starts complaining about Jim? You would be hanging on her every word instead of wishing for death or just zoning out of the conversation. Everyone would be a winner, your friends would appreciate the genuine interest in their lives and you could potentially be $500 bucks richer. This also would make work more interesting:
Over/Under on the number of guys the office skank fucks – 2.5
This bet would turn company gatherings and after work happy hours into edge of your seat type events. The minute that you see Sally (the office skank) from accounting have her third dirty martini and approach the creepy guy from shipping you would be enthralled. Not only would you have a legitimate interest in them fucking but you would be crestfallen if she just decided to blow him in the men’s room.
Since I can’t be the personal bookie for everyone someone in your friend group needs to take the reigns and start posting odds. C’mon, sounds fun, right? Are there any other “life gamblers” out there with their own personal bookies, or I am the only crazy one?
