Hell, Television Advertising and Chantix
So I was watching a program about hell and all of the horrible myths and legends that go along with the underworld (I don’t know why I watch these things but I guess my morbid curiosity wins out sometimes). The BS that writers and mystics of the past thought up to scare people into submission was ingenious. No wonder it is still used as a propaganda tool today to keep people in line. Anyways, I had the sneaking suspicion that the show I was watching was developed primarily sell the products from the advertisements that were aired periodically throughout the show. All of the ads were somewhat death related and it was almost as if the advertisers and programming managers got together and produced a show that was solely made to sell things to people who just watched how horrible the afterlife can be. There were advertisements for life insurance, health foods and Chantix, an anti-smoking drug (more on Chantix in a bit).
I always thought that programming was created and then advertisers chose what channels or specific programming that they wanted to pair their advertisements with but in this case it looks as if the program is a deviously clever plot to sell more term life insurance. After playing through this little conspiracy theory in my head I was disgusted by the fact that I could have been watching a show solely made to sell a certain set of products. At that point I saw the Chantix commercial. It featured a multicultural array of people tossing away packs of cigarettes with shit eating grins on their faces. Wow, that looks easy – take a pill and kick that habit! A few doses and you can enter the fast lane to being smoke free… good thing this is a PERFECT drug with many HAPPY, SMILING users… oh wait…
Chantix is an anti-smoking drug with some seriously fucked up side-effects. I thought Olestra was bad having “anal leakage” as one of its ancillary effects but it has nothing on Chantix. As stated in the disturbingly fast 30 second disclosure at the end of the commercial (I think the guy from the micro-machines commercial is working for Pfizer now) some of the side-effects include psychosis, suicidal thoughts, disturbing dreams and increased probability of having a 1-1 conversation with Satan (OK – I made that last one up). Why the fuck would anyone take this drug? Slap on the nicotine patch or take a lozenge for fucks sake! If there was even a .5% chance of me losing my mind when taking a drug that I wouldn’t take it, would you?
This drug was OK’d by the FDA. Is there any rhyme or reason to what is deemed as safe and what is not? There is so much money involved with a successful drug I’m sure that there are all kinds of back door shenanigans and secret deals going on similar to any other industry that is highly “regulated” with great sums of money being generated. It is frightening to think of the drugs that are considered “safe” right now that will be taken off the market in a few years. As I mentioned earlier Olestra was used in snack foods as a fat substitute until people started shitting themselves or exorcist-style puking sour cream Ruffles all over their living room, then it was quietly pulled from the market (I’m sure the folks over at Depends undergarments were pissed). How many people have to lose their mind to get Chantix pulled off the market? Type in “Chantix Psychosis” into Google and the stories are horrifying (or kind of funny, if you do not have empathy, like me).
To return to my broader point though, I think more of this style programming is going to be developed in the future. Since TIVO is eliminating views for traditional commercials I suspect that in the future programming will be created to sell certain products. It can already be seen in product placement in existing shows but I think the next stage in evolution will be entire episodes and series that are Trojan horses for certain products. Protagonists will work for Walmart, selling Bud Light while driving a Ford truck with the plot line revolving around wether their character should go to Applebee’s or TGI Fridays. Truly a horrifying look at television programming for the future… or maybe I’m crazy and it’s just the Chantix talking… only time will tell.