… And thats why the terrorists hate us.
The other day I was talking with someone and they were complaining about a random annoyance in their life. It was one of the trivial things that everyone complains about that really are not that big a deal. I don’t even remember what it was but at the end of her rant I told her “… and that’s why the terrorists hate us”. Everyone has things that are annoying or really piss us off that in the broader scale are not really important. Imagine if a goat herder in Kabul that was struggling to feed their family heard me complaining about waiting for 5 minutes in line at the drive-thru. They would be infuriated. I have ranted and raved about things that piss me off but no matter what is happening to me here I am better off than 99% of people anywhere else. Right now, there is some guy making 5 cents an hour slaving a way in a poppy field so an asshole can snort lines of coke off of an iPhone that costs more than what an Iraqi makes in a year. The way of the world is pretty fucked up sometimes.
Besides the US bombing the shit out of their homes, torturing and killing people indiscriminately there are plenty of ugly things about our society today that would piss off some poor bastard living in a cave in Afghanistan. Even as a citizen of this country I am forced to see the stupid, wasteful and vile things that we are bombarded with on a daily basis. Simply by tuning to MTV to see 20-something trust fund assholes bicker and whine at each other could easily push any fundamentalist over the edge. *sidenote* George Bush’s speeches back in the day always made me laugh when he would talk about the fact that the “terrorists hate our freedom”. Um… I think they hate the fact that we have a lot MORE of everything than they do and, in their eyes, wasting those boundless resources on vice and impropriety. Oh yeah – and we invade Middle Eastern countries indiscriminately *end sidenote* Here are the things that we should hide from any potential terrorists at all costs:
The Real Housewives of _________
If I wanted to see a pack of dried up old skanks fight over money I would go down to Barrio Logan and watch the meth-heads squabble over drug money or I could tune into one of these “Real Housewives” shows. The fact that these programs are popular enough to have as many iterations in different geographic areas astounds me. They are the absolute worst kind of women – materialistic, bitchy and above all stupid. People get bothered when there is swearing or nudity on TV but I find this type of show far more offensive than any tit I have ever seen. I would rather have my non-existent children watch “Faces of Death” than one minute of “The Real Housewives”. One viewing of an self-entitled tramp feeding her dog paté while she is complaining about the housekeeper would make any self respecting Al Qaeda member start loading up the rental van with fertilizer.
Lindsay Lohan/Britney Spears/Paris Hilton vs. The Tabloids
I think I have seen Lindsay Lohan’s vag more than I have seen my own dick. I get it. When a half drunk tweaked up actress gets out of her town car and you have a camera shooting up her skirt you will probably get a picture of her crotch. How are paparazzi allowed to do that? The media lavishes them with attention then when they start to act their age they become pariahs and fodder for jokes on late night TV. I feel like comedians are waiting with bated breath for Miley Cyrus to turn 18 so they can start tearing her apart in the media. This is what much of society focuses on for entertainment – the day-to-day lives of horrible, horrible skanks. It is no wonder that the US is slumping as it is when our role models are lazy, talentless, drug addicts. Hopefully no one in Saudi-Arabia has access to Paris Hilton’s twitter feed or we are all in big trouble.
Sports players thanking God after games
Are you really that narcissistic? Do you actually think that God really cares if a big orange ball goes into a hoop more times than the other team? I always wonder why people who actually believe in God aren’t insulted by athletes and their love affair with thanking Jesus/Mohamed/the Spaghetti Monster every post game interview. Apparently their god is a personal god that knows, and is concerned with everything that anyone does. I can almost picture that same “thankful” athlete at the strip club later that night and “Cinnamon” over on stage 4 hopping off the pole to thank sweet baby Jesus for giving her big tits and a low self esteem.
I’m sure there are plenty of things about the US which would drive someone to mass terror… can you think of anything that I missed?
coffee shops and the people in them.
I just learned a new word: Glamping. Yes, evidently that’s what they call glamorous camping; glamping. And by glamorous I mean “Tents are imported from Africa and are built on high wooden platforms with spacious decks where guests can take in the view of California’s wine country sprinkled with grazing giraffes or enjoy the serenity of a private lake. It’s the height of luxury.”
I was pretty sure the terrorists hated us for Staycations, but if they didn’t, they’ll fucking murder the shit out of us for Glamping for sure.
[...] Fuck me, the ice cubes in Japan are glorious, I’m not bullshitting. In my mind, these little chunks of frozen goodness should be their chief export. When I ordered my first Jameson and Ginger ale it came with 8 of the most solid, crystal clear, perfect cubes of ice that I have had in my entire life. When I order the same drink in San Diego I get milky centered chunks of frozen refuse. I could go on and on about this but me being so impressed by this little stupid detail is another “Reason why the Terrorists hate us”. [...]
[...] I am horrible at making these types of decisions. There is really no “right” answer and either way I will be missing out on something. Maybe the life that I would take on with a move like this is not the kind that I want. I would have to totally immerse myself in my job to be successful and I really have no passion for it. So that leaves me back where I started. At some point soon I am going to have to make a decision and at this point I don’t know what that decision will be. Anyways, enough about me and my petty white male problems. I feel like such an asshole complaining about an opportunity to move to Australia to live, just another reason why the terrorists hate us I guess. [...]