RoadTrippin’ Chronicles II
Note: This is a continuation from a previous post about various road trip experiences I have had – if you have not read it you can catch up here.
Ontario – “Wait… was that a sign for New York?”
Sophomore year in college I organized a winter formal in Toronto, Ontario. The main reason was that the drinking age is 19 and anytime I could legally get a drink at the bar I felt much classier when I was that age. I helped organize the event so I was obligated to go even though I had just broken up with my girlfriend. I took one of my friends and we had a fantastic time at the party then drinking our faces off in Toronto… until the ride back to Michigan. I was pretty spent from drinking and organizing 40 couples (have you ever heard the phrase “it was like herding cats”? Getting my drunk 19-21 year old college friends organized was like herding retarded cats… with brain damage… on speed). The next morning I was a mix of drunk. exhausted and hungover. We hopped in the car with another couple and started back west towards the Michigan border.
After we left the city limits I said “I’m going to take a nap for a few minutes – WAKE ME UP IN 20 MINUTES – I want to make sure we are on the right track” and promptly passed out in the passenger seat. I must have been roofied or something because when I woke up and checked out the clock I saw that I had slept for 2 hours! I asked her why she didn’t wake me up – she said that I looked like I could have used some sleep. “That was nice” I thought… until I saw the sign that said “Kingston – 20 miles”. I stared in disbelief. I am no geography major but we may have taken the scenic route if we wanted to end up in East Lansing, MI:
Since I am so mature my first thought was of “Dumb and Dumber” – “You mean to tell me we drove across 1/4 of Ontario IN THE WRONG DIRECTION?!?!?!” I tried to be as understanding as possible especially when she started crying in the gas station before we turned around. “It was only a 4 hour detour” – “I always wanted to see the rolling tundra of southeast Ontario” – “Boy these Canadians sure have fucked up highway markers” I said while secretly cursing her non-existent navigation skills. As we pulled onto the highway I realized that this was my own fault – she is Asian – she should have been in charge of my calculus homework that I didn’t do, not operating a motor vehicle in a foreign land. After fending off car-bourne insanity for a couple hours we finally arrived home – 8 and a half hours later. As shitty as it was I think it actually worked out as a bonding experience and a reason for me to try to fight my car narcolepsy.
[Note: In the spirit of even handedness I emailed my friend before I posted this to get her viewpoint:]
From: Ultraparadoxical
To: XXXXXXXXX
Sent: Tue, May 18, 2010 3:22:59 PM
Subject: RE: Against your best wishes
Yo – I am including a story about our ill fated drive from Toronto on my blog – do you have any words to defend yourself that I can include with the story so you are properly represented?
[And her reply]
It was when you approved the direction of choice when passing the awkward penis sign that forced the innocent Saturn and it’s entourage in the wrong direction…
[Ummmm... huh? Was that Cantonese? I always told her to stop sniffing glue back in the day but some people never listen.]