Working Late
I am sitting here on the last day of the quarter waiting for an order to book so I can have a respectable commission paycheck next month – ahhhhhh, the joys of sales. It got me thinking a bit about my job and the rest of the jobs that fill out the corporate roster. From the receptionist to the CEO there are stereotypes for every niche within an organization. What have I learned about stereotypes?… that’s right, they are always true and need to be perpetuated (I am joking but there is a kernel of truth about stereotypes being mostly true). Anyways here are my feelings about each department in this wonderful institution know as a “Corporation”. We can start out with my current area of “expertise”:
Sales
Sales people are usually known as the loudest, doucheist, most overpaid people in the whole company. However, they are usually the funnest to hang out with and throw the best parties. Part of the douchebaggery of the sales team is due to idiots getting paid way more then they should. Just because a person has a knack for dealing with people they have the opportunity to get paid more than an astronaut or the President of the United States. If I were some asshole with a Masters in Finance making 85K while a 25 year old guy in with a associates degree from Lake County Community College was making 185K I would be pissed too.
Marketing
These are all of the people who flaked out on Sales because they couldn’t hack it or they never got started because they couldn’t handle the pressure. Sales people are pretty good at presenting the illusion of actually doing work but Marketing people have it down to a science. I have never seen a “busier” group of people that gets absolutely nothing really accomplished. That is why the marketing department is the first to get downsized when the shit hits the fan – you can whack 50% of them and operate as usual because every person in that department was only working half-speed anyways.
Purchasing
Like getting your ass kissed and being lazy? You want to make a reasonable salary with the least amount of effort possible? Sounds like I have a spot for you as a low level purchasing agent. Dealing with the purchasing department is so painful because everything runs on their schedule and if something doesn’t happen it is usually OK because saving money for another day isn’t the most horrible thing that can happen to a company. I can feel for them though, it is the equivalent of being a personal shopper for a rich jack-off. They buy a bunch of stuff that they don’t want and that they can never enjoy.
Public Relations
Maybe I have a bad sampling of public relations people but to me they are a pack of backstabbing, materialistic skanks. One of my old roommates used to do Public relations and everyone of her coworkers were like a poor version of Paris Hilton. Not a good combination. If you are in PR – prove me wrong.
IT
NNNNNNNNNEEEEEEERDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Just kidding, these are usually the most down to earth, nicest people that get shit on with everyone problems 24/7. Most of the time it is user error and these folks are put through the ringer. “Is it plugged in?” should never be on the help desk questionnaire but it is for a reason. Poor bastards!
Executive
Ass-kissers, former losers and people with personality disorders dominate the the top level of most organizations. Extreme waste, greed and entitlement pervade their entire group. One of the execs at my old company spent over 8oK at one of his favorite restaurants and laid off 5% of the workforce in the same year. 45% of them are just insecure assholes who enjoy the power trip the other 45% are boneheads who failed upward and the last 10% are decent, hardworking people who have genuinely earned the power that they wield… somehow I don’t like those odds.
Administration
Not much too say about this crew except that they are so powerless in the organization that they will latch on to anything that they can and try to exert their will on the rest of the employees. I had one of the receptionists at my company bar me from entering a group lunch because my group wasn’t called yet. she literally made me sit outside of the room for about 85 seconds and then let me in. Fuck you and your stupid headset… go back to working at the tanning salon you bitch.
Janitorial
The hardest working people that get paid the least – USA, USA, USA!
Geeez… I guess I am a little bitter – maybe it is because I have been here for 4 hours longer than I wanted to be. Oh well, the pain will be ending soon. Any departments that I missed?
[...] is really a microcosm of corporate life and I have talked about it before but for some reason it has really aggravated me these past few days. I think it is because when I [...]