Top Nine Friday – Movin’ on up Edition
I am going to be moving soon (kill me now). It is not a long distance move but I am still dreading the whole process. My sensitivity to aggravating situations and extreme laziness make moving an experience akin to passing a kidney stone and getting my wisdom teeth removed at the same time. I have been at the same place for over 5 years now so I am a bit out of practice with the whole process. This Top Nine Friday is an exploration into the top things that someone needs to focus on when looking for a new place and making a move.
- Take at least one day off for the move - It is never fun to take days off of work for shitty things. Moving is one of them, however take a Friday off and get most of the move finished before the weekend. Wrap it up on Saturday and you can leisurely unpack on Sunday. Coming home from work on Monday to a move-induced crack den of half unpacked items is not the way to do it.
- Choosing a good location – This is really key, especially in San Diego which is the drunk driving capital of the world. Bars and neighborhoods are so spread out that it is impossible to get around without getting on a highway. Add in the fact that cabs are ridiculously expensive and public transportation is nonexistent create the perfect storm for driving buzzed. My point being here that you need to have at least a few well placed bars and restaurants within walking distance too even consider living somewhere. Parking is also a huge consideration… there is nothing more aggravating than coming home from the salt mine and driving around for a half hour looking for a spot. Invest in a parking spot if you need to – you will thank me later.
- Go with a girl to look at the place – When looking at a place why not take the sex that has a “nesting instinct”? Women notice of all of the things that a guy would never think about when looking at a place. I was once on the fence about getting a place then one of my friends turned on the shower to see what the water pressure was like. It trickled out in a weak stream and I knocked that place off the list right there – I didn’t want to feel like I was getting pissed on every morning… and I would never have thought to look at that!
- Throw out as much shit as possible – Get rid of everything that you can. Those overalls that you thought were the money in ’92 that you are still hanging on to just in case they come back into style… ditch them.
- Rip it like a band-aid – I suck at this part. As soon as I have moved all of my stuff I start unpacking in a phased approach (read: lazy). I end up having boxes all over the new pad months after the move – bad idea – I look like I work for UPS. Don’t be a lazy-ass… just unpack everything immediately.
- Throw a party before you leave – Why not? Fuck the old place… leave with a bang. This is the time when you can throw a “graffiti party” (where everyone wears white shirts and brings a marker to deface each other’s shirts) – which is never a good idea in a place that you would want to stay after the fact. *Sidenote* These parties always devolve into writing on body parts. The last graffiti party I was at one of my buddies colored in this chick’s nipple with a sharpie. I can’t imagine that would be too fun to wash off *End Sidenote*
- Hook up your neighbors – I hate being kind to the people around me as much as the next guy but in this case it is essential. Meet your new neighbors and make sure they have your number. One day you may need a cup of milk or them not to call the police when you are making too much noise when you get home from the bar… a few minutes here can save you a lot of hassle down the road.
- Upper-deck the toilet before you leave – Always nice to leave a moving gift for the new tenants of your old place(just kidding… … … …maybe)
- Suckering your friends into helping move – This is the time of the year when you need to call in all of those favors you have done for your buddies. Remember when you dropped off and picked up someone at the airport or disposed of that drifter that your friend strangled (wait… did I say that out loud?) – its time to call in some favors to help out with the move. A friend that owns the pick-up truck (poor bastard) is of utmost importance and you MUST guilt him into taking a few loads over to the new place. Bribe them with beer and food if necessary. One of my friends used to always help me move but he would get too baked and start breaking shit. It is all fun and games until some asshole drops the glass coffee table. I know some of my friends purposely suck at moving so they are never asked again (very, very smart).
Even if you follow all of these rules the move is still going to blow – if all else fails burn the place down, collect the insurance money and travel the world.
Any moving tips that I missed?
[...] nothing but fantastic. I can finally walk to the bars and restaurants that I most often go to and drunk driving will be down about 95%. I should get a congratulatory letter from MADD for moving! Another [...]