Why are you a Bastard? Because you’re Crazy.
In my estimation all women are crazy and all men are bastards.
Don’t ask me how it works - I think It has something to do with Testosterone, Etstrogen or maybe Chlorophyll. No matter how hard a guy tries there is always a percentage of him that at his core is an asshole and craziness just comes naturally to women (I know these are broad generalizations and I am certainly no relationship guru but hear me out - and if you can’t then go back to work… OK, still with me? Good). There is no way around it, that’s just how it is. To make my argument a little clearer it would probably be helpful for me to explain exactly what I mean by “crazy” and “bastard”.
The craziness in women generally comes from accentuating a certain feeling on a situation to the point where it defies common logic. If someone has been dating a chick for a while obviously he thinks that she is attractive but if she does not feel attractive for any given reason and the guy makes an innocuous comment about her looks it could end in disaster. It doesn’t make sense but it becomes a reality due to the “crazy”. Men are bastards because they can take logic to such an extreme that decisions do not take into account the feelings behind their actions or what they can represent. Every action is not some grand proclamation on the state of the relationship or an event that needs to be dissected to figure out its true meaning. This is the central cause of all relationship problems and if people could accept this and take it into consideration when dealing with the opposite sex then the world would be a much better place. Don’t believe me? How about some examples:
1 – In college there was this guy who lived in my house that was a man-whore of the dirtiest kind. He would sleep with anything (his 2 requirements, 1 – Pulse 2 – vagina). He wasn’t bad looking but to paint a better picture of this guy – he once passed out in my room (on the floor) watching football and he smelled so bad we sprayed him with Lysol. Anyways, he was fighting with his on-again-off again girlfriend who he would hang out with whenever he had nothing else going on. These fights were a regular occurrence and a few of my other friends and I would pretend to play Madden an adjacent room and eavesdrop on their fights. It was pure comedy. She would spout off nonsense about them progressing their relationship to the next level and he would just blow her off or twist the argument to make it sound like she was being a bitch. It the classic crazy/bastard dynamic… she was crazy enough to rationalize in her own mind that this was a legitimate relationship and he was enough of a bastard to let her hang in the wind with these misguided notions when he would never be what she wanted him to be and he knew it. She had this picture of him and how things could be that she held on to rather than logically looking at how he treated her and dumping the asshole. Predictably their relationship ended in a blaze of glory with her storming out of the house after a especially vicious fight exclaiming “You don’t know what you want… but you want it ALL”. Truer (or crazier) words have never been spoken.
2 – From personal experience I love me some crazy girl. I don’t know what it is about them but there is some sort of attraction to the chaos that an especially crazy girl can bring to any situation. I make most of my decisions based on logic and thinking things through from a calculated perspective so I need an infusion of emotion every now and again as a change of pace. Since I can’t do it myself I look to the women in my life to do it for me. It has definitely caused me heartache but I still go back (wait… that sounds illogical and crazy – scratch that, it kills my argument). I have had a glass of water dumped on my head for no reason (I swear, was not my fault – ask the other people who were at the table innocently chewing on their sushi), moved to San Diego on a whim and broken up and got back together with a girl 8 times - all for the “crazy”. It doesn’t help that the hotter a person is usually coincides with how much of a bastard or crazy that they are. If a chick is smoking hot I am much more likely to put up with drunken nights of crying or lashing out if the makeup sex is good.
There is something about the “crazy” or the “bastard” in all of us that hypnotizes the opposite sex. Everyone wants what they can’t have and in this instance what we can’t have is a different prism to view life through. While this idea is not ALWAYS true it works most of the time – roles can definitely be reversed. In reality it boils down to why we are so different as men and women and if we could only see those differences more clearly and adapt to them we would be far happier in our relationships.
Do you have any “crazy” or “bastard” stories to back me up… or show me how completely-fucking-wrong I am?
How about the one who showed her lady junk to your roommate?
Yes – I remember to New Years snizz display… perfect example of the “crazy”.